Went to Wendy’s today to grab dinner for the kids because cooking’s for suckers. Felt really awkward specifying I wanted white milk from the black drive-thru worker. So I, in my brilliance, decided to clarify at the window that I specified white milk because my youngest son prefers it, while my oldest prefers chocolate. And that I don’t care what kind of milk they drink as long as they’re happy. Lord. #jesustakethewholedamncar
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I’m just not feeling very funny.
So, a couple of people told me I should be writing about this deployment in the way I normally write about things — screwed up but funny. I *want* to, but maaaaannnn, there’s not a damn thing about this deployment that’s funny. Nothing. Not a thing. Neighbor had to come over to kill a cockroach for me because T wasn’t there? Not funny — horrifying. The horn of my car started going off on its own randomly? Not funny — annoying. (Note to self: I should really get that checked out.) Dragged my son to the emergency room because he complained of abdominal pain and had a high fever? Not funny — the worst. Not a whole lot of funny going on in my life.
I need to find the silver lining in this deployment — fast.
For real, though — the bright side for this deployment? My house stays clean for way longer. (And I have two children; one of which is a toddler. I’m just saying.)
Holy crap, C is a toddler.
My house is sealed like a colander
Thinking to myself:
Not tired — must find something to watch on Hulu
*bug flies by my head*
DON’T THINK I’VE BEEN MORE TIRED IN MY LIFE *runs*
🤔🤔🤔
So. I want another kid. I don’t really want to be pregnant again, but weighing heavily on my heart — for a really long time — is fostering/adopting a child. T doesn’t think he could love a child that wasn’t his own flesh and blood. Never mind the fact that he loves our stupid dog who literally shits himself when we leave him alone…
Wonder if I’ll ever get over this feeling…
My bad.
Look, self, kids are gonna be kids. Babies are gonna be babies — that’s life. So when your husband asks how your night was, don’t turn to your 14-month-old, point at him, and say, “THIS PRICK…”
It’s just not very nice.
Alone time saves lives
Me: *looks around, house is a mess, kids are loud* I. I don’t want to be here anymore.
T: Then go to the room and lie down.
Me: I’m not tired. I just don’t want to be here anymore.
T: Then go. I have the kids. Go take a drive.
Me: *makes me-shaped hole in door*
Rain, rain, roll my windows up.
It’s pouring. And every time it pours, I worry about whether or not I left my car windows open. I never, ever leave them open — even when I’m in the car — but what if I accidentally entered an altered state and decided to open my car windows?
I never care enough to actually check, though, because my life is busy enough, thank you very much.
Screw you then.
Looking at his dinner: “Mom, is this chicken or beef?”
😒
Starve.
A whole new world.
Fictional characters responsible for my sexual awakening:
Aladdin
Rufio from Hook
Shawn from Boy Meets World
My younger self found bad boys hot. My older self finds a good credit score hot.
A day in the life.
6:00 AM — Ugh. Tired. Need sleep. That baby can make his own damn bottle.
9:00 AM — Morning nap for baby. Morning nap for me.
9:30 AM — Stupid baby.
4:00 PM — I’m so going to sleep early tonight. I can’t wait!
8:00 PM — I’ll watch one more show, then off to bed!
9:00 PM — Bed time!
9:13 PM — Well, then. Glad I saved up all the things I could think about so I could think about them now.
10:47 PM — So that’s how a bill becomes a law…
11:18 PM — I’m. So. Tired. Please. Brain. Turn. Off.
1:04 AM — Brain considers plea.
1:27 AM — Stupid baby cries for pacifier.
1:30 AM — Zzz…
6:00 AM — Ugh. Tired. Need sleep. That baby can make his own damn bottle.
Sleep is for Dads 